this morning i got a huge shock and heartbroken. never expected i would get this kind of feeling from someone. he is one of my friend at high school. i have been loving him since the first time i entered my class in 10 grade. no one knows it, until now. i kept this feeling and never let him know about it. he seems doesn’t care of everything around him, not even about love. and that’s how i always think he has no interest in relationship. and that’s how i never thought about confessing my love. but i can’t help it, that i have been loving him. always. for the last 6 years. stupid, huh? and since i was separated with my last ex-boyfriend, i never had intention to find a new boyfriend, i want to love him in my silence, from distance. seeing him even only sometimes gives me a little happiness, because all these time i thought he will never find any girlfriend.
he often asked me "go find a boyfriend already" when we chatted in line. but all i could explain is "finding a boyfriend is just not that easy" . yeah, i know, what a bullshit. i wish i knew what he was thinking back then. i stood with a stupid-relief that he stays alone and maybe someday magic will happen to me, finding him love me back. yes, stupid. it is a super duper fool i could ever thought.
and this morning i found his twitter in my inbox. i clicked his tweets, and found one tweet to his girlfriend. yep, he has a girlfriend. funny, huh? it was like a thunder hit my heart with storm following. i was frozen for few minutes before realizing my tears have fallen. someone whom i love and expect will never even try to have a girlfriend, now has one. i got a heart attack and heartbroken. not because i don’t confess my feeling to him, it’s because how dare i am to even expect him for not having a girlfriend? he is an ordinary boy after all. why do i have such fool thought? and then i find myself like a moron, heartbroken from someone i never deserve. and why do i have to be surprised.
now i’m sitting here, thinking about that awful truth over and over again, look like a big idiot.